[eBook] My Feudal LordAuthor Tehmina Durrani – Bilb-weil.de

Born into one of Pakistan s most influential families, Tehmina Durrani was raised in the privileged milieu of Lahore high society Like all women of her rank, she was expected to marry a prosperous Muslim from a respectable family, bear him many children and lead a sheltered life of leisure Her marriage to Mustafa Khar, one of Pakistan s most eminent political figures, soon turned into a nightmare Violently possessive and pathologically jealous, Mustafa Khar succeeded in cutting her off from the outside world For fourteen years, Tehmina suffered alone, in silence When she decided to rebel, the price she paid was extremely high as a Muslim woman seeking a divorce, she signed away all financial support, lost the custody of her four children, and found herself alienated from her friends and disowned by her parents When this book was first published it shook Pakistani society to its foundations Here at last was someone who had succeded in reconciling her faith in Islam with her ardent belief in women s rights Tehmina Durrani s story provided extraordinary insights into the vulnerable position of women caught in the complex web of Muslim society


10 thoughts on “My Feudal Lord

  1. Piyush Verma Piyush Verma says:

    The book lacks sincerity The author tries too hard to portray herself as totally naive and innocent, preyed on by a tyrannical and cruel husband I refused to let go because of the kids, she maintains Seeing that she left her first daughter to marry her feudal lord, she doesn t come off as such a devoted and loving mother for me to buy that argument It does not come off as a wolf sheep combination at all for me to be entirely sympathetic to her ordeal The worst part was when her baby sist The book lacks sincerity The author tries too hard to portray herself as totally naive and innocent, preyed on by a tyrannical and cruel husband I refused to let go because of the kids, she maintains Seeing that she left her first daughter to marry her feudal lord, she doesn t come off as such a devoted and loving mother for me to buy that argument It does not come off as a wolf sheep combination at all for me to be entirely sympathetic to her ordeal The worst part was when her baby sister falls in the honey trap of her preying husband Instead of making attempts to rescue her from his clutches, she looks at the child as a sort of rival, a much younger inamorata who is trying to steal her husband Being a life story, this book is bound to be judged not by its writing style or the author s literary skills, but by the surmised virtues of the characters involved Try as hard as I might to do otherwise, I have ended up rating the author and not the book 2 out of 5 stars for both


  2. Hussain Mansoor Hussain Mansoor says:

    The book was an eye opener into lives and mentality of feudal lords, however what was quite obvious is that Ms Durrani is no saint as she expects people to conclude to, She herself was a debauchee, admitted to splurging the money without caring where it came from, admiring the two facedness of her double standard husband who really didnt care about the masses while pretending to be their saviour Ms Durrani in this book is less upset of how Khar fooled the people he claimed to represent, she is The book was an eye opener into lives and mentality of feudal lords, however what was quite obvious is that Ms Durrani is no saint as she expects people to conclude to, She herself was a debauchee, admitted to splurging the money without caring where it came from, admiring the two facedness of her double standard husband who really didnt care about the masses while pretending to be their saviour Ms Durrani in this book is less upset of how Khar fooled the people he claimed to represent, she isupset how he abused her individually, while abusing a woman is in itself inexcusable, what is notable is that she did enjoy the priveleges associated with the life of a powerful man s wife gets you The book for me is a good insight of how pathetic and materialistic these feudal lords are and similar are characters of gold diggers like ms durrani who pursue them Lets not forget , after she divorced Mr Khar Then Chief Minister of Punjab and a feudal lord she got married to another Feudal Lord and now Chief minister of punjab Shahbaz Shareef


  3. W W says:

    A sensational bestseller in Europe, and a much talked about book when it was published It readslike a novel than a memoir There is no telling how much of it is fact and how much is fiction Its subject is Ghulam Mustafa Khar,a well known Pakistani politician,former Governor of Punjab,and Zulfiqar Ali Bhutto s right hand man.The author left her first husband to marry him,and the way she describes it,found herself in a living nightmare.Still,she chose to stick with him,as the family was fo A sensational bestseller in Europe, and a much talked about book when it was published It readslike a novel than a memoir There is no telling how much of it is fact and how much is fiction Its subject is Ghulam Mustafa Khar,a well known Pakistani politician,former Governor of Punjab,and Zulfiqar Ali Bhutto s right hand man.The author left her first husband to marry him,and the way she describes it,found herself in a living nightmare.Still,she chose to stick with him,as the family was forced into exile during the Zia ul Haq years.Khar is depicted in the worst possible way as a womaniser,extremely cruel and a political opportunist.She even accuses her husband and younger sister,of having an illicit relationship The author,herself,does not emerge smelling of roses.Her own actions,motives and choices seem very questionable as she spends a long time with this man despite all his alleged cruelty and exploitation.It is a trashy book but it uses real life characters and actual political events to tell the story.Finally she leaves him,and decides to write this tell all memoir In a good part of the book,former Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif is criticized,as he was an opponent of her husband s People s Party.But in the biggest irony of all,after leaving Khar,Tehmina Durrani got married to Nawaz Sharif s brother,Shahbaz Sharif This is a very erratic book,but a very interesting one,nevertheless When Imran Khan s second wife,Reham Khan,wrote her own tell all memoir,I was instantly reminded of My Feudal Lord


  4. Sid Sid says:

    Last time when I went out shopping for novels, I told my bestie as always that I have been wanting to read this book for quite some time now She told me she had it and could lend it to me Coming back home and getting done with the daily chores, I put my hands on this book and got myself to my comfortable spot along with a cup of tea And then before starting it, I cleared my mind of all the reviews I had heard about the people character in this book I wanted to make my own opinion of it L Last time when I went out shopping for novels, I told my bestie as always that I have been wanting to read this book for quite some time now She told me she had it and could lend it to me Coming back home and getting done with the daily chores, I put my hands on this book and got myself to my comfortable spot along with a cup of tea And then before starting it, I cleared my mind of all the reviews I had heard about the people character in this book I wanted to make my own opinion of it Living on the same patch of earth as the protagonist Tehmina Durrani , I had huge expectations from her regarding boldness, maturity and courage I was not a bit shocked by the political manoeuvres or the illegal relationships or discriminating your own children based on their looks or even the treatment of women as sex tools The only thing that shook me to the core were the choices our protagonist makes under pressure It seems like she has no sense of direction about her own life There s always a right and wrong way of doing a thing A weakness of your own character and lack of courage is something you can never blame on others or your circumstances Well I believe that there is always a loophole if you try to make one How do you justify emphasizing the short term delights endangering the long term goals A relationship based on wrong which according to me was lust in this case could never achieve a successful culmination I lost interest by the repetition of the same torture she allowed herself to go through How can you even expect someone else to stand for you when you are not doing it by yourself I am not saying anything written in this book is wrong because I very well belong to the same society I am just saying this book feltof an attempt to revenge And if it was a battle, I am extremely sorry to say she lost it I tried to persuade myself that may be everyone is right in their own shoes but I couldn t do it The steps she took such a long time to take, she could have taken before and changed her life This book utterly depressed me


  5. Qurat Qurat says:

    My feudal lord was just an ordinary Any pakistani household story, with Only politics making it little special This is a story of most of the pakistani women, so she faced nothing extra, And whatever she faced during her marriage with Khar was the result of her own action, She did the same to Mustafa s Ex wife sherry, which happened to her by her own sister Adila She was an adulteress and was cursed for breaking sherry s marriage with mustafa, at the time when sherry was pregnant If mustafa w My feudal lord was just an ordinary Any pakistani household story, with Only politics making it little special This is a story of most of the pakistani women, so she faced nothing extra, And whatever she faced during her marriage with Khar was the result of her own action, She did the same to Mustafa s Ex wife sherry, which happened to her by her own sister Adila She was an adulteress and was cursed for breaking sherry s marriage with mustafa, at the time when sherry was pregnant If mustafa was a psycho she also used to provoke him with her stubbornness, and the man couldn t trust her as she herself admitted because of having extra marital affairs with mustafa when married with anees She started hating her first husband whom she loved, when she saw a powerful charming man, and started developing excuses to leave him, that time she found anees powerless and dumb later on, her views changed of anees Tehmina durrani was a confused woman in my opinion, she reaped what she sowed Mustafa was not a good father, thats admitted and he was cruel but later on she got hold on her children This book was Tehmina s way to relieve the guilt and it was written in a way to show the world mustufa s cruelty, for instance she started wearing white clothes out of her own choice, on discussing this with mustufa he gave no response and she put it as, he wanted me to appear unattractive to men In my opinion she was equally responsible and not innocent at all


  6. Anum S. Anum S. says:

    I already knew before I began reading this book that I would have lots of very strong opinions about it That was because every time I brought it up, everyone around me had not only heard of it, they were all very opinionated about it too Even the people who hadn t read it were aware of the particularly controversial bits about how both the author as well as her husband the villain in this tale had left their previous spouses to begin their married life, or how Durrani, whose narrative solely f I already knew before I began reading this book that I would have lots of very strong opinions about it That was because every time I brought it up, everyone around me had not only heard of it, they were all very opinionated about it too Even the people who hadn t read it were aware of the particularly controversial bits about how both the author as well as her husband the villain in this tale had left their previous spouses to begin their married life, or how Durrani, whose narrative solely focuses on how marrying a feudal lord destroyed her life, then went on to marry Shahbaz Sharif, a man most people in Pakistan consider corrupt beyond belief.So reading the book without having at least some pre conceived idea of what it was about was impossible But I tried to be as open as possible to my own reaction to the writing, which ended up being an account of one of the most unstable, unhealthy relationships I ve ever read Tehmina Durani, the teller of her life story, sketches in quite a lot of detail about her tumultuous marriage to Mustafa Khar, a Pakistani politician who is the epitome of every abusive husband ever I already knew he would be horrible, but I had underestimated, even by my own very generous standards, how horrible he could possibly be.Most of the beginning of this book feels like a Judith McNaught novel, in that everyone is filthy rich and ridiculously good looking except for our ugly duckling heroine They all indulge in rich people activities and spend their time doing rich people things, with a whole team of servants and guards streaming behind them A desire to copy the British lifestyle is evident in almost all of Tehmina Durrani s family, especially from the maternal side The author s mother, who plays a huge part in how Tehmina turns out, was cold and distant and mostly responsible for inculcating really low self esteem in the children she deemed unworthy of her approval Mostly those were the kids with dark skin including our author , who grow up in a household where fair skin like the one her mother and her Pathan father have are prized above all else Wanting her mother s approval and love is a pretty constant theme within the narrative, and Durrani, unable to separate herself from the idea of the young child who constantly craved for any sign of affection from her strict mother, seems to be aware of it Her first marriage to a man named Anees, who woes her when she is sixteen with clandestine notes snuck in to her Convent school, falls apart according to the author not only because she grows bored with Anees or because Anees is technically lower in social status, as the author s mother claims on her first rejection of the marriage proposal, but because for Durrani, her mother s withheld love triumphs all It was during this time, with Tehmina frustrated and bored of her first husband, during which she met Mustafa Khar, an upcoming politician who could have walked straight out of one of McNaught s aforementioned novels, in that all the clich s about heroes seem to have applied to him Looking at pictures of present day Khar makes it hard to understand how a younger version of him could have ever looking alluring or attractive, but whatever it was, for the young and unhappily married Tehmina, who herself stated that by all accounts her husband was a nice enough man with whom she also had a baby whom she never managed to love And in contrast, Mustafa Khar seemed powerful and noble and charisma personified I was haunted by feelings of being a non person and by extremely low self esteem If Mother did not approve of me and love me, Anees s weak opinion and those of his lower positioned family was of little consequence.Tehmina s divorce, her first, and Khar s plan to leave his heavily pregnant wife his fifth caused a shit storm, because in Pakistan all divorces are treated as worse than the possibility that a man might be abusing his wife It is the ultimate dishonor, and Tehmina s parents treated it as such Especially her mother, for whom the idea of what people would say wasimportant than literally anything else There must have been some irony in the fact that the mother herself was divorced, but how regularly do people forgive other people s trespasses if they ve suffered through something themselves Very rarely, of course Despite the fact that our mother had divorced her first husband, we were taught that marriage was a sacred and irrevocable institution If a husband turned out to be a brute, it was the wife s duty to persevere until she changed his character A broken marriage was a reflection of a woman s failure.It was at this point that my opinions started to make themselves manifest Usually when I review a book, I like to separate the book from the author the author is dead, as Roland Barthes would say, and my job is to comment on the text without the contextualization of the author s actions Reviewing a biography, however, sort of makes that an impossibility, because what you are commenting on is the author s life itself One must also take into account the fact that any biography will feature a version of the events that puts its author forward in the best possible light One of the most intense conversations I had during the reading of this novel was in questioning the veracity of the claims put forward by Durrani According to her, her father was encouraged by Bhutto to secretly transfer state assets from East Pakistan to West before the 1971 separation Her father s refusal led to his being thrown in jail once Bhutto came to power.It s entirely possible that all of this is true, and since her father s eventual imprisonment ended with a trial which exonerated him, it s also possible that historical documents can attest to this fact, but narratives can be edited to a person s benefit, this also is true People can manipulate events to their benefit, this also is true And no reader of history, especially in the form of a biography, should be na ve enough to assume that what they are reading is, in fact, what actually happened Which was why I read the whole thing with a grain of salt, paying special attention not to the events that happened but also how they are presented.Looking at the book from this light, the presentation of Mustafa Khar, the antagonist of this narrative, makes for a very interesting study Since the story is very overwhelmingly about a woman s escape from her abusive marriage, I had imagined the abuser would be painted with a very harsh brush But this book flips the switch by not even taking adiplomatic, distant tone, but rather coming across as there really is no other way to put this begrudgingly admiring It sounds like how a person, horrified by someone s cruelty and misogyny, is simultaneously awed by them and how, by indulging in their horrible behavior, the person has managed to gain and retain power In multiple scenes, the ghastly things that Khar did are presented as an example of his prowess or his thinking abilities rather than as a testament to his foul personality Exhibiting a native canniness, Mustafa used the power of his office to re establish his financial position Over the years he had sold off much of his land holdings in order to finance his political aspirations But now those who had bought from him found themselves hauled in by the police on trumped up charges and coerced into returning his land Before long, Mustafa had recouped almost all of his holdings.What s also very funny is the juxtaposition between the Mustafa Khar who is corrupt and uses his power to oppress those below him, and the Khar who gets the support of Zulfiqar Bhutto primarily because he is a man of the country , someone who has grown up within the feudal system and understands the fights of the downtrodden This point is repeated again and again, claiming that Bhutto was convinced they could change the country together, but he was planning this with the same Khar who blew all the money his father gave him upon his election to the National Assembly on buying a cavalcade of ridiculously expensive American cars That doesn t exactly sound like a man whose main interest is the people Sherry theorized that he suffered from an inferiority complex He resented women from our social background and made it his mission to subjugate them He disguised his class envy by assuming a feudal air.This connection between the Mustafa Khar that other people saw and the reality of who he was a vicious and cruel person seemed to be pervasive throughout both his political life as well as his personal No matter how many times Sherry, Mustafa s wife before Tehmina, tried to tell her that Mustafa wasn t a nice person, Tehmina couldn t believe it until she got married to him and was faced with his frequent bouts of utter rage, the casual way he inflicted violence, or his blatant disregard for the women in his life For Mustafa Khar, his weak morals and his feelings of inadequacy were all inter connected with an inherent misogyny that patriarchy allowed him to cultivate to the best of his abilities She claimed that his political idealism was merely an attempt to gain access to our class and that his concern for the poor and the downtrodden was a sham In truth, she said, it was a manifestation of his hatred for the lite He wanted to demolish the structure that ridiculed his origins and lacked at his lack of breeding and style Women were his obvious victims He was out to destroy us.However, it would be an understatement to claim that Khar was merely misogynistic For him, wives were perfectly acceptable venues for expressing his anger, laying his hands on, exerting control over At the beginning, he was portrayed as merely passionate to Tehmina, who started her affair by sneaking around behind everyone s back and watching how Khar manipulated the events around them so he could spend time with Tehmina, he seemed fascinating Eventually though, once they are married, the reality started to set in And what s fascinating about this marriage is that our protagonist had five other examples all of Khar s ex wives to show her what kind of husband he was, except they were clearly not on her mind, proven by the bare minimum attention paid to them in this telling All of these women are mostly insignificant except for the fact that they caught Khar s eye, and his spur of the eye decision to marry them resulted in their subsequent signing off of all their power to a man who was a true description of the term feudal lord His first wife, older than him and handed to him on the authority of his father, he ran off to the city to escape after impregnating There he married a friend s divorced wife who bore him another child He then married an air hostess, and a few years after that a prostitute The last wife before our author was Shehrezad, a beautiful, highly accomplished woman whom Khar married because he had to meet US delegates and wished to impress them with his trophy wife This sort of intertwining of the personal with the political is a thread that runs throughout the book, primarily because Mustafa Khar was a politician Which is why one of the reasons I liked reading this book was the historical perspective it provided Biased or not, history is alwaysinteresting when reading from the point of the view of the figures involved, rather than from a dry, date by date account that our course books usually espouse Since Mustafa Khar has always been such an important political figure, when Tehmina Durrani sketches his background she touches upon a number of major points in Pakistan s history This is made all theinteresting for any Pakistani reader who must judge for themselves how true to history this narrative really is Within a year, fueled by the hostile press, mainly in India and Britain, the battle for the liberation of Bangladesh had begun The west seemed to have misread the plight of the East Pakistani people West Pakistan was attempting to stop the Indian government s dismemberment of their country, but it was projected as though we were the villains by not allowing autonomy to a people demanding their rights and freedom.This manipulation of events proves that within the narrative there is an obvious bias towards the things that Tehmina Durrani believed or knew So how do we look at the rest of the story do we believe that she portrays herself as the victim, or do we look at it as an account of a vile man who was as evil as she clearly told us Because even though a lot of people think it must have taken a lot of courage to write what she did, and a lot of people also agree that it s shocking that Khar managed to carry on for so long and still does until Durrani took pen to paper, the criticisms that this book faces still exist And without fail each criticism, contentious and strongly worded, is tinged with hints of ingrained misogyny It s impossible to not encounter deeply held patriarchal beliefs when discussing this book in public Most people, even the highly educated ones, held on to some strand of victim blaming, questioning why Tehmina chose to stay with Mustafa or why multiple women kept marrying him even with his cruelty widely known Even in stories which so clearly try to explain how the man was abusive, basic sexism made it instinctive for them to question the woman s actions instead of the man And this question, about why she stayed with him, is one of the most commonly asked ones about abusive marriages why does the woman or, in some cases, the man stay with their abuser Given my faulty knowledge and my position of privilege, it really isn t fair for me to try to answer this question, but only to empathize, to place the fault where it belongs with the abuser Because for those who haven t suffered the abuse, it is unimaginable, a horror of the highest order, and we think that if we were ever in that position, we would walk out, we wouldn t stick around to bear another second of the indignity But the reality of it is different, must be different, must be an existence that from us, the privileged, commands only empathy In this book in particular, there is a vicious cycle of dependency, a particular hint of obsession and an inability to let go of each other Even after Mustafa Khar starts to have an affair with Tehmina s sister Adila, which would require another whole ten thousand words review to discuss properly, even after all the torture and rape and assault, Tehmina continues to fight to stay with him Why I certainly don t know He spoke of the Adila episode, and was convinced that the Devil had entered him He knew that he had imprisoned me in loneliness, and now, he believed, God had punished him with imprisonment while I was free He had thought that he had lost me forever, and all he had was this room and God He now realized what it must have been like for me when I was isolated and alone.Victim blaming is a pretty common theme running through most of these critics arguments Didn t Durrani already know he was an abusive man This, coupled with the fact that she then married Shahbaz Sharif, current Leader of the Opposition in the National Assembly of Pakistan thereby jumping back into politics Most of the people who read this book state pretty much the same thing that they loved it when they read it, but now that Tehmina Durrani has married Shahbaz Sharif, they can t believe she would marry into the same social circles, and that she probably deserves anyshit she gets, for choosing to marry such a corrupt man I think we need to have a very honest conversation about why we assume patriarchal notions won t exist where they do, and how stereotypes can plague even those who mean well So, for example, with women who have been through abusive marriages, we expect them to have magically unwritten all the years of patriarchal conditioning they ve been through, and accept that some men are trash, but of course it doesn t work like that When a women works, we expect her to be a champion for the rights of all working women A women who has had kids must be able to understand when another mother wants a break One who has been restricted by the community s concepts of modesty must understand why another would want to break out of them This very basic logic, that once you ve suffered through something, you must be able to empathize better with those who are oppressed by the same rules, unfortunately doesn t translate into real life because the truth is that humans are complex, and by complex I mean capable of very easily carrying entirely conflicting opinions Describing her perfect relationship with Mustafa, Sherry laced her conversation with barbs, such as Mustafa says women who have affairs with married men are sluts Such words were met with sniggers and nudges, all directed at me.Misogyny is hard to recognize for most people, and even harder to unlearn And for most of this story, it is misogyny we must encounter, in the characters as well as in ourselves Tehmina s adultery, Mustafa s horrible behavior towards his pregnant wife Mustafa s mental and physical torture of Tahmina his affairs with Tehmina s sister and her own reactions to it, blaming the sister but not her husband her parent s divorce the treatment of Mustafa and Tehmina s children, poor souls caught up in a family drama being played out in front of newspaper reporters and the world All these things are intense and involve patriarchal notions in all forms, which means it involves a careful untangling of your own horror as a reaction to the story The good thing was, I had lots of friends on whom I could rely upon to provide me with smart insights One of them, working on a paper about Saving Muslim Women and how Islamophobic narratives are used to justify military interventions in Muslim majority countries, wrote about American anthropologist Lila Abu Lughod Abu Lughod described pornographic pulp non fiction as a literary genre based upon autobiographical accounts of Muslim women s oppression According to my friend s paper, the enduring legacy and bestselling status of books such as this one are dangerous indicators because they feed shallow generalizations about Muslim societies instead of informing the reader of the radical specificity of each case This, I think, was fascinating for me, because my reactions were purely class based this must be the norm for all poor households, my privileged mind thought, but of course abuse is different in all its forms Of course some are worse than others, and that doesn t mean those aren tacceptable It s just that this story is hell on earth, and reading it gave me all sorts of feelings, half of which I still haven t been able to sort out When I was trying to convince my best friend to read this book, she expressed doubt about wanting to read a bad book But whether this is a good book or not is hard to say, since unlike fiction nonfiction, and especially biographies, must be reviewed in a manner completely different to what I am used to Does one judge a biography on how faithful to reality it is, or how comprehensive in containing the life under discussion Even after writing a 4000 word review I can t properly decide how I feel about it As a closing argument, I think this book is a must read I think everyone should definitely read it once, and then engage in a long, healthy debate about all of the things that surround it Recommended Adetailed review on the blog because Goodreads word limit, ugh My god Mind blown SO MANY THINGS to discuss Review to come


  7. Shalini Goyal Shalini Goyal says:

    By the time you say you re his, Shivering and sighing And he vows his passion is Infinite, and undying Lady, make a note of this One of you is lying DOROTHY PARKER Unfortunate Coincidence This is the caveat Ms Tehmina Durrani should have taken heed of But as the saying goes Love is blind , she fell into the perfectly woven trap by Mustafa Khar The writer starts off with explaining her childhood lifestyle and traumas Her painstakingly disciplined upbringing in the house wh By the time you say you re his, Shivering and sighing And he vows his passion is Infinite, and undying Lady, make a note of this One of you is lying DOROTHY PARKER Unfortunate Coincidence This is the caveat Ms Tehmina Durrani should have taken heed of But as the saying goes Love is blind , she fell into the perfectly woven trap by Mustafa Khar The writer starts off with explaining her childhood lifestyle and traumas Her painstakingly disciplined upbringing in the house where her father was ceaselessly hen pecked by her mother, where the mirage of perfection was necessary, where she was traumatized unremittingly about her dark complexion, where her mother was a dictator and Tehmina was a mere pawn, left her with plethora of insecurities regarding her beauty and shaken confidence Her father, who clearly loved her without any color discrimination, was not allowed to show his affections Tehmina was badgered and was declared inadequate by the womanly standards of her mother Her meningitis fueled her mother s abomination for her Among her other siblings, Adila, the youngest and fairest of all was given the family title of princess Her mother used to dance on every whim of Adila The only family member who would support Tehmina was her grand mother I think this crippled self esteem, if not entirely, became the reason of her further suffering. As she came to an adolescent age, she thought she fell in love with a muslim boy, named Anees, who would pass passionate letters to her in academy She started dreaming of her marriage to him and end of her incarceration in her mother s well built prison like cell After much drama, her mother gave consent to Tehmina s marriage to Anees After few years of marriage, she came to the realization that she wasn t, in fact, in love with Anees, but with the idea of freedom She gave birth to a daughter, Tanya, during the time period. Arrival of Mustafa Khar, a feudal lord and rising politician, brought a certain degree of excitement in her life Her still present insecurities about her beauty was slowly washed away by Mustafa s surreptitious pursuing of her He was relentless in discussing and introducing new ideas in politics She was intrigued by this man, his discreet inviting glances woke her inner rebel to go against all Islamic laws of modesty She began an affair with Mustafa, even when they both had spouses In spite of Mustafa s wife, Sherry s clear warnings regarding Mustafa s demented code of conducts, Tehmina chose not to believe them, resulting in him marrying her while Sherry was pregnant Tehmina s family shunned her, as appearances were everything to her family and she had committed the most insolent crime by dragging their names in mud After Mustafa s divorce with Sherry, when the initial glitter started to worn off, Tehmina began to sense her new husband s mercurial state of nature That s when the real story of My Feudal Lord starts. Mustafa exhibits a classic sadistic stream, he lashes out by striking her, his temper revoked by slightest of in coordination or non compliance He fed his monsters by squashing Tehmina s hopes, her dreams, humiliating her in every aspect possible, abusing her mentally and sexually, harassing her with his grotesque profanities, controlling her with his dire threats, leaving her petrified When the first stage of beatings passes, he apologizes, promises spuriously to never assail her again, shows regret, croons and pamper her all the while whispering future betterment But like all illusions, it shatters again and again He is a Barbarian who tries to mingle among the elites of society but always stands out because of his feudal heritage and rural upbringing He seems to resent Tehmina for her smoothness in imperial ways Mustafa is a first gear type of person, who likes to start things but nothing held his attention for long, leaving his messes to be cleaned up by Tehmina or their slave servant He often interrogates Tehmina about her past marital relationship with Anees, and when she fails to articulate responses acceptable to his verdict, he trashes her with a new vigor, charged by twisted and perverted jealousy Tehmina tried to leave Mustafa many times, but he being the feudal lord, in a habit of keeping his possessions to himself, always found a way to pull her back, once even by taking his own three children hostages Tehmina s mortification became tenfold when her own younger sister Adila fell in a liaison with Mustafa When she tried to confront both, they declared her emotionally impaired and delusional She was not allowed to think, and her perceptiveness became the danger, only her surrender to lethargic stupidity and active denial was protecting the shoddy structure of her marriage. Tehmina s spirit, her interest in politics for the improvement of Pakistan, and her children were the only things which gave her strength to face Mustafa like a Spartan After three futile divorce attempts, she succeeded the fourth time Although she had left Mustafa after fourteen years, the past would clung to her like an indolent disease Her family had finally severed all ties with her by disowning her after uniting and shunning her repeatedly by her mother s will , portraying her an ignominious woman However, her grandmother, other sisters and brother in laws, helped and supported her at the time of crisis, going against their mother s orders Her father married another woman, freeing himself from the claws of her mother. The amount of courage and boldness Ms Durrani showed, despite of her conservative and conventional barriers, by writing this book is deferential I, personally am a strong and avid feminist The act of writing this book by stripping bare all the embarrassing details and facing the severe possibilities of negative criticism, she made a stand in my list of influential women The reason I gave this book 4.5 stars is because I disliked the way she pitied Mustafa, sympathized his situations, helped him time and time again For the way he treated her, she should have just left him to rot in hell and never look back.


  8. Humera gull Humera gull says:

    The book revolves around Tehmina Durrani, who belongs to ultra mod, westernized and well off family of Pakistan and Mustafa Khar the most prominent politician in Bhutto s regime, who belongs to conservative, traditional and typical feudal background These two people of opposite trait come close to each other but Tehmina s dream soon turns into nightmare when Mustafa s decency turns into brutality She divided this devastating account into three parts Lion of Punjab Mustafa who roars and de The book revolves around Tehmina Durrani, who belongs to ultra mod, westernized and well off family of Pakistan and Mustafa Khar the most prominent politician in Bhutto s regime, who belongs to conservative, traditional and typical feudal background These two people of opposite trait come close to each other but Tehmina s dream soon turns into nightmare when Mustafa s decency turns into brutality She divided this devastating account into three parts Lion of Punjab Mustafa who roars and destroys the lives of simple and innocent women without any hesitation , Law of Jungle and the Lioness.Before marrying Mustafa, Tehmina was also married but she leaves behind her husband innocent and simple guy and marries Mustafa But soon she starts realizing hollowness and barrenness of this relationship She states in the novel that I had no power, no rights, and no will of my own.Law of jungle starts with Tehmina and Mustafa s immigration to London there his affair with her youngest sister makes her mad and panic She endures all her husband s physical assaults and sexual brutality as part of her destiny But then she decides to rebel the king I am not your sister or your mother, I am your wife This is how Tehmina challenges the patriarchal structure denying all the roles of women as futile and abstract But Mustafa can never allow her to leave him because he thinks that she is the only skylark that can amuse him while he is tired.As lioness, Tehmina campaigns for Mustafa and he wins the elections But a Lion is a lion at every cost His violence becomesintense Finally she decides to burst out all her pains in the form of book and an act of writing for woman is to break the silence that patriarchal society has culturally improved upon her.Durrani has shown in an undaunted way that every woman has her identity and individuality Her so called roles are nothing but cultural constructs and a woman has the power to challenge the whole patriarchy even at the cost of her closest relatives The book gives good food for thought to its readers and how will they behave in similar circumstances.Throughout the novel, Tehmina has highlighted herself as an opposed woman This is true and so she is, but another aspect cannot be ignore why did she leave her first husband who was loving and caring And if she left him for khar then why after leaving Mustafa, she has married another eminent politician Shahbaz Sharif


  9. Ajay Ajay says:

    Having grown up in India, I have always been interested in things happening in Pakistan We would view things in Pakistan with a sense of mystery There were so many walls between the two nations, there still are But things are easing Growing up, for me and many others during the cold war, Pakistan was always represented as this theocratic rogue, by the powers that be, always on the brink of war with India Tehmina Durrani s book, does not do much to dispel this myth But the fact that she sur Having grown up in India, I have always been interested in things happening in Pakistan We would view things in Pakistan with a sense of mystery There were so many walls between the two nations, there still are But things are easing Growing up, for me and many others during the cold war, Pakistan was always represented as this theocratic rogue, by the powers that be, always on the brink of war with India Tehmina Durrani s book, does not do much to dispel this myth But the fact that she survived to write this book and still resides in Pakistan is an achievement in itself Unlike Tasleema Nasrin, Durrani does not challenge the Islamic point of view, instead she challenges male chauvinism in a feudal and intolerant society Tehmina Durrani is among Pakistan s English speaking privileged elite, yet even she could not escape getting singed by the overbearing tyranny of Pakistan s tribal feudal male chauvinistic culture That she has survived and told her story is in exhilarating in itself It is not as harrowing as some other notable books from Islamic Lands, but it is just as honest voice


  10. Sheokhanda Sheokhanda says:

    I first saw this book on the bookshelf of one of my friend Upon reading its back cover and discussing about with the friend, I became intrigued Miss Durrani narrates about her life and that of her husband Mr Mustafa Khar s in Pakistan who is uncle of Hina Rabbani Khar For starters she herself is not that clean but honest nonetheless, as she was having extra marital affair with Mustafa Khar when she was already married something she reports here, it seems to me that some women enjoy the co I first saw this book on the bookshelf of one of my friend Upon reading its back cover and discussing about with the friend, I became intrigued Miss Durrani narrates about her life and that of her husband Mr Mustafa Khar s in Pakistan who is uncle of Hina Rabbani Khar For starters she herself is not that clean but honest nonetheless, as she was having extra marital affair with Mustafa Khar when she was already married something she reports here, it seems to me that some women enjoy the company of powerful men, not that those powerful men aren t good seducers She looses the custody of her first child to her husband who is waysubtle compared to Mustafa Khar, but whom she married after convincing to her parents that she loves him like anything and would live happily ever after with him quite a short love story I guess In the book she deals with the fact that Pakistani elites are chauvinistic people including her own father who earlier use give into his demanding, high nose wife That changes when he starts getting affection of certain other lady, as he starts to assert himself She wishes to repeatedly say that she suffered form an inferiority complex since childhood as she was an ugly ducking among good looking Pashtun family of her She also talks in length of the other feudalistic societies communities in Pakistan, the trial and tribulations of Mustafa Khar His fight to win the Punjab elections and PPP s policies Pakistan people s party She is particularly critical of Mustafa Khar as he is shown as playboy,ruthless political animal and some one who corrupts her younger sister, a 16 year old whom he later marries after divorcing Miss Durrani, not before making her a woman in the due process, quite a scandal There are chapters on her survival after divorce when her children are taken away and there is no financial support for her too Finally she writes the book My Feudal lord and when Mr Mustafa Khar asks her question that what was that none sense written in the books of her s in regard to the secrets that she brings out She replies that now you would be known by my Name, as an ex husband of Tehmina Durrani and not vicaversa,like he had earlier predicted His exact words to be like you would remembered as one of my many wives and would fade away in history In short she takes her revenge